Fear, my driving force!

Blogger: Annicea Richardson

To anyone who’s ever worked with me, I’m known as a perfectionist🤦🏾♀️
This wasn’t evident to me because I just saw myself as someone who’s doing what she’s paid to do! Some people liked to work with me because they knew the job would get done and definitely above average and others found me to be too demanding! To be honest I don’t understand either but that’s my own shortcoming🤷🏾♀️

But as I take the time to journey to my most authentic self, I realized that the root of everything wasn’t actually getting the job done but it was more fear, fear of not getting it done right!
Fear, it’s at the root of everything I do!!!!
If that’s not one of the saddest realizations then I don’t know what is!!! It’s not just the fear of failure, it’s equally the fear of success, fear of disappointing myself, fear of disappointing loved ones!

It always feels uneasy when people call me a perfectionist because to me it’s the total opposite of everything I am, nothing about me is perfect! I’m never striving for perfection, never because it’s simple unattainable but to the outside world, it seems like that is my only goal! But I’ve found the remedy and the ego-buster!!! In one word CrossFit🏋🏾♀️
I’d classify myself as an advanced beginner, if there is ever such a category! My “progress” is probably the slowest in CrossFit history! What amazes me is that even though I still suck at almost every lift that my enthusiasm hasn’t diminished! But that’s probably the reason I’m still there because I haven’t perfected it yet! Crossfit has broken and built so many parts of me that I don’t even know where the balance lies. I mean it took me 5 years to jump on a box, I wouldn’t see the box for what it was but I’d always see myself jumping and missing a step and falling down, busting my head open and breaking my glasses and the glass pieces all end up in my eyes! That’s right, my fear creates the most gruesome scenarios! And this scenario was just one of the more pleasant scenarios! 🤦🏾♀️

Once (yeah yeah 5 years) I finally let go of that fear and jumped on that box, I was amazed, really amazed at how “easy” it was! I’ve conquered jumping on the box but that was the lowest box so while my ego went through the roof, I was brought right back down to earth because there are higher boxes to jump, I don’t think (meaning don’t hope) it will take another 5 years!
Sorry I got side-tracked but that’s what CrossFit does, I can talk about it for hours!
The point I was trying to make is I’ve built my life on fear, and it’s a life I’m content with and definitely grateful for! With that being said, I’m releasing that which doesn’t serve me anymore, fear has gotten me this far but at this moment it’s quite crippling! I’m at a point where I’m questioning my entire existence and my major why in life! So excuse me if you see me having a meltdown, it’s just a part of my growth! My growth is ugly, real ugly! What’s death to the moth is birth to the butterfly! With this in mind I’m ready for it!!!
What are you harvesting, that no longer serves you?


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